When one’s unloving conditioning changes, the things being done that are unloving will also change, but this isn’t a choice to be made, it happens naturally because of what’s in place.
Making a supposedly choice is not as clear cut as it’s seems on the surface. It would seem when something is done that a choice is made, but in my case what I did for forty nine years wasn’t the result of choices because the conditioning in place basically controlled my every action. I’m not saying this to absolve myself of being accountable for my actions, but if I was conditioned to be selfish than how was I to respond to life other than that. An acorn can only produce an oak tree, there’s no choice in this. At times I hated how I was, but by not understanding why I did the things that I did, I was a slave to my conditioning. I know there’s much talk about people having a choice (free will) but this isn’t really investigated at the level to see there’s no such thing. To say one has a choice is really used to lay blame and hold people accountable for their actions. Do you really think those who act in unloving ways choose to do so? I know I didn’t, but I didn’t know how to be different until I did and even then the conditioning in place was and is in control to a large degree.
When one wakes up to see there really isn’t a choice, the inner tug of war ceases. Again this doesn’t absolve one from being accountable for their actions, but seeing this allowed me the freedom that occurs when one puts away the sledgehammer used to beat yourself up. So many people use this sledgehammer and it’s one of the ways one remains entrapped to the bondage of their own suffering. Live your life in anyway that arises, never regret the past nor shut the door on it. Learn from it and use it to see how there really isn’t much of a choice in life because of the conditioning in place. When the conditioning in place changes so your life is based in love, a choice still won’t be made to change, but the things being done that are unloving will most definitely change.