Being sad because a loved one dies is natural. If one could just be with the sadness without tightening up like a closed fist, you would remain open and an I story wouldn’t come into play.
Here is one of the main problems as to why so many people are seeking peace and why it remains elusive. Peace is mostly being sought as a concept through the thought realm, and the thought of peace will never bring about that which is thought to be desired. Only the thought that one isn’t at peace makes one not at peace. You can ask, well if I think I’m at peace then will I be? I say no because it’s as if you are talking yourself into it, it’s like whistling in the dark to keep away the boogeyman. It becomes a distraction more than a real tool of peace. To go deeper, notice the thought I at the center of wanting peace, anything from the desire of I always creates a problem, creating problems is the nature of I. This is because I pushes away the truth of what is and looks for what isn’t. This is what I does, it’s constantly looking for what isn’t in the form of wanting the present moment different. It uses all kinds of concepts that one blindly adheres to in doing this.
Here’s an example using a loved one dying. The sadness that arises from this is truth, but now take grief and watch how it arises strictly from not wanting the person who died to be dead. I will miss them is an I story, this creates tightness as if one closes their fist. Being sad because a loved one dies is natural and if one could just be with the sadness, the fist per se would remain open and an I story wouldn’t come into play, nor would the suffering of grief. Anyone who says grief is a natural process has never truly investigated it at this level, they’re probably only repeating what someone else said. Don’t take my word for this, investigate it for yourself, or not and remain a prisoner to the concepts that I makes up which will always keep you from truly being at peace as it remains only as a thought.